A new client returned for his second massage to report that after his first session, he had slept without discomfort for the first time in months. Oh the joy of hearing updates like this! We still have work to do releasing patterns created by overuse and postural habits, but he was feeling hopeful.

He went on to tell me that his previous experiences with massage were so intense that he had been in massive pain for three or four days after each treatment. After experiencing relief from our session, he had come to the conclusion that the previous “strong sensation” (aka painful) approach had actually been making the condition worse.

I concur.

We had a brief chat about pain, the fight or flight reflex, and the resulting release of stress hormones and contraction of muscles. It’s my intention to create the exact opposite effect by encouraging the relaxation response: the release of feel-good hormones, unwinding tension, deep breathing, and muscle melting. It’s part of my mission to educate people about the power of coaxing the body into relaxation rather than attempting (and almost always failing) to force it into submission.

The thing that brings me even more joy is the next step in healing where people recognize that wellness is the result of listening to the messages their bodies deliver, treating themselves kindly, and taking good care of themselves. We live in a world that values doing more, going faster, powering through the upsets, and pushing ourselves incredibly hard. Until we begin to value wellness, relaxation, pleasure, and comfort equally as much, if not more, we will continue to suffer with chronic pain and promote the internal conditions that contribute to chronic and debilitating disease.

If you’re interested in a gentle, therapeutic massage and you live in the Philly area, this is my jam. I’m a no-pain specialist. The goal is to meet muscles where they are, sinking in until the first hint of resistance says stop, and lingering there while inviting the tension to soften. Schedule online here.

If you live elsewhere, I’d encourage you to do some research before scheduling a session. Some therapists are firmly entrenched in the “no pain, no gain” agenda and therefore going gentle is not in their repertoire at all. There’s a local studio that uses 💪 💪 💪 next to each of the providers’ names as an indicator of pressure range. Just like the 🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️ rating in a Thai restaurant, you can better choose appropriately if you know what to expect.

(I’ll add that out of a possible five 💪, none of these therapists offered a level 1, and only two of the eight offer level 2. There was a whole lot of hoopla about seven of them going all the way to the max. Sigh.)

If you call a spa and ask for a certain kind of pressure, you’re likely to get a “yes”. Yes, sir, how high sir? The goal in a spa is to book lots of sessions and the front desk folks are eager to get you in the door. You might try asking which therapist they would recommend given your desire to relax instead of suffer. Since they might never have had a massage, might enjoy something entirely different, or don’t know the staff’s strengths and weaknesses, this approach is hit or miss.

Instead, I’d suggest going with an individual in private practice. Someone who works for him/herself and has hopefully created some content online so you can get an idea of what to expect. Sure, the spas and the franchises will have glossier websites with lots of bells and whistles. But this mission is about finding a good match for your needs, and that’s likely to come from a humble site like this one.

You could start simply by saying that you enjoy a relaxing/gentle/medium or light pressure/full body treatment and wonder if that’s available. Then listen to what they don’t say. They might agree, but with hesitation suggesting that this is out of their comfort zone or that they just aren’t into work like this, even though they can do it.

Personally, I’d rather have no massage than to suffer through one that hurts or to have to constantly ask the therapist to back off. AND there are enough of us providers out there, I feel confident that you can find a compatible practitioner if you do a little exploring.

Massage doesn’t have to hurt. I truly believe that it shouldn’t. But you’re going to have to advocate for yourself because much of the world doesn’t know this yet.