emotional well-being

  • I write a lot about this because it’s so crucial to health. When we live in a state or chronic dysregulation, ongoing stress, and consistent unease, all of our bodily systems are compromised. Learning to embody calm and a sense of safety is essential to reclaim optimal health.

    I also talk a lot about Reiki, partly because I find it the most useful tool for regulating my nervous system. It does other wonderful things too, but for the sake of writing an article and not an encyclopedia, I’ll try to stay on topic.

    We start with knowing that it’s important to do, necessary even, if we’d like to optimize health, happiness, and creativity. For me, that means making it a priority.

    So I’ve made a commitment to do the work. Yes, it is work. Not hard work, but it takes consistent time and attention. I can assure you that it is a worthy investment.

    Next, I want to acknowledge that this is DOABLE. It’s simple, accessible, and practical. You might not know how, might never have even known it was possible, but you can learn.

    I’ll add here that learning new things can be activating for the nervous system because it likes to keep us in the familiar zone. It confuses unsafe with unfamiliar, so you’ll probably need to use these tools while you’re in the process of learning to use these tools.

    Welcome to the complex and spiral nature of healing!

    I’ll assume that if you continue to read, you recognize that you want to do this, can do this, and are rolling up your metaphorical sleeves at this moment.

    In short, you are ready, willing, and able. Right?

    The first step is recognizing a sense of unease in the body. If this is your home base, not to worry, this is a pattern that can be reprogrammed. It will help to add a 5-10 minute awareness practice to your day (morning is especially effective) to sort through the feelings, sensations, and thoughts to reestablish a new baseline.

    But today I’m talking about how to interrupt an acute experience of distress.

    My goal for today is focused on self-care. It’s a day off and I have planned to have a restful afternoon with a few enjoyable activities scattered throughout. In reality, I had too many to-do items for the day to be relaxing and I started to feel anxious.

    Enter Reiki. For me, it helps to prevent a snowball effect and gives me enough space and clarity to recognize what’s really going on.

    OK, too many activities means I need to let go of one of them or decide that it’s more important than the ease and rest I am really craving. There’s dissonance between my schedule and my desire and it’s a no brainer to skip the webinar on myofascial release. Maybe I’ll catch the replay. Maybe not.

    Great, so now I’m back in harmony on one level, but I’m still feeling anxious. That’s the thing- you can’t reason your way into a regulated state. This is a physiological condition and needs a physiological repair.

    Fine. So what is it exactly that I’m feeling? I call it anxiety, but what are the sensations? There’s a buzzing in my upper abdomen. I call it hornets in my gut. Most unpleasant! And my quads are contracted as if I’m prepared to flee.

    What does my body need? To know that I am safe. It’s a maladaptive response to confuse a full schedule with danger, but them’s the breaks. That’s how we are wired and better to know this and learn to work with it than to ignore it.

    I can use my senses to log data in my environment and send a signal to my brain that there is literally noting to be afraid of at this time. I look around the room, notice there is no fire, no tiger, no mean girls, and my shoulders drop away from my ears.

    What else?

    An outlet for this energy. I know from previous experience that focusing on my breath, particularly extending exhales and adding an audible sigh can work miracles.

    Now my mind jumps in suggesting that this is too simple, too easy to work against such a major activation. That everyone is always talking about the breath as a form of embodiment practice, but really what do those experts of ancient healing systems really know? Yeah, sometimes my mind is an arrogant jerk.

    I override this little ego trip and spend a mere three minutes sighing heavily over a cup of herbal tea. I wonder what the neighbors think, then remember that one of them played Dancing Queen loudly, twice this morning before 7:00 and decide I don’t care.

    Three minutes and the hornets are subdued. Like 90%. They might actually be butterflies now. It’s that transformational.

    The energy is still alive in my legs and I know from previous experimentation that I need to move. I love the rebounder (it’s a mini trampoline that fits easily in my apartment) for shaking out angst, but many forms of movement are also effective.

    Now that I feel like I’m no longer going to crawl out of my own skin, I can sit and give myself a Reiki treatment to reach complete resolution. I can also have a look at my calendar from my now-calm state of being and make sure my daily activities are aligned with my priority of maintaining this regulation.

    I can also acknowledge that living fully means ups and downs and that there is very likely to be upset in my future. Knowing this, I can refine my plan for meeting whatever comes my way. Generally, I want to be compassionate and aware, tuned in to my body, and well resourced so that I can respond accordingly.

    Healing does not mean ubiquitous calm. How dull would that be?! It does, however, mean that I want to address energy leaks and unnecessary upset, bounce back from minor upsets with ease, and be in touch with my needs and how to meet them.

    If you already have Reiki, you can apply it towards your intention to regulate and repair your nervous system.

    If you’d like to learn how to do this, know that anyone, even the most stressed of us, can learn how to do Reiki for ourselves and share it with our loved ones. I have a beginners level training coming up soon if you’re in the Philly area.

    Booking a session can also provide a wonderful reset, giving you a sense of calm and access to your inner wisdom and intuition.

    I spent much of my life with the hornets in my gut, never really at ease, slightly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop even when there was zero reason to be unsettled. Learning how to calm my nerves has been utterly invaluable to my wellbeing and creativity. I have faith that if you’re in that same boat, there is hope for you too.

    Nervous System Basics

    I write a lot about this because it’s so crucial to health. When we live in…

  • … and let go of everything that is ready to go.

    Autumn is the time of year when Nature urges us to release our hold on that which no longer serves us. Clinging to the old uses a lot of life-force energy and often prevents us from moving forward.

    See how the trees simply drop the leaves after they have completed their time together?

    Winter is coming and that is a time for rest and restoration. That can be more easily done when we aren’t dragging a bunch of decaying matter with us, be it beliefs, emotions, habits, or relationships.

    What’s one thing you can release in order to make more space for your true self to emerge?

    Me? I’m doing a closet clean out AND committing to taking the bag(s) of culled items to a donation center by the end of the month.

    It doesn’t need to be complicated or arduous. Maybe start with that pile of paperwork cluttering your desk or the ubiquitous kitchen junk drawer. Your future self with thank you.

    Be Like a Tree

    … and let go of everything that is ready to go. Autumn is the time of…

  • TRE is one of my favorite stress relief modalities. I took an introductory class with Maria about 12 years ago and found it incredibly helpful. Lately I’ve been using it most days to help with chronic tension patterns that contribute to low back pain.

    I enjoy her no-nonsense teaching style. She is very clear about what to do and why and her presence helps me to feel safe, even though we’re not in the same room. Not everyone can teach virtual classes well, but she has mastered this skill.

    From her newsletter:

    TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercise) is an innovative series of exercises that assist the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma. Created by Dr. David Berceli, PhD, TRE safely activates a natural reflex mechanism of shaking or vibrating that releases muscular tension, calming down the nervous system. When this muscular shaking/vibrating mechanism is activated in a safe and controlled environment, the body is encouraged to return back to a state of balance.


    TRE® is based on the fundamental idea, backed by recent research, that stress, tension and trauma is both psychological and physical. TRE®’s reflexive muscle vibrations generally feel pleasant and soothing. After doing TRE®, many people report feelings of peace and well-being.

    This “tremor” response may seem weird at first, but it feels great to let my body shake from the inside out.

    If you have chronic stress or pain or a history of unprocessed trauma, this might be a tool to support you on your healing journey.

    Online TRE Intro with Maria Alfaro

    TRE is one of my favorite stress relief modalities. I took an introductory class with Maria…

  • I very much enjoy Jeff’s teachings on a very uncommon style of meditation. Instead of going up and out, escaping the body, he guides us down and in, landing squarely in our humanity.

    He’s offering yet another free webinar that I’m excited to attend.

    Here’s an excerpt from his newsletter:

    THE PEACE PARADOX – Why Chasing Calm is Making You Miserable (and What to Do Instead)

    Together we’ll explore:

    • Why chasing “calm” often creates more inner tension
    • How true meditation can welcome ALL emotions – even rage, grief, and fear
    • The astonishing paradox of peace – how true peace emerges when you stop trying to be peaceful!
    • A radically compassionate, deeply human approach to spiritual practice


    This is not about transcending your humanity—it’s about befriending it.

    https://jefffosteronline.com/the-peace-paradox/

    I often share his free webinars here because they address the very obstacles that I and so many others experience on the spiritual path. He’s very generous with his offerings and these freebies offer a taste of what you can expect from his programs should you wish to go deeper.

    I have no financial ties to him, this is just an amazing opportunity I want to pass along.

    The Peace Paradox with Jeff Foster

    I very much enjoy Jeff’s teachings on a very uncommon style of meditation. Instead of going…

  • Holistic healing means addressing all the various parts of ourselves, including our emotions. Even the ones that are uncomfortable, unpopular and chaotic convey messages that support our overall wellbeing.

    Often when I bring this up, I meet resistance, even in people who are engaged in healing work. Cue glazed eyes and impromptu change of topic.

    Most of us have been conditioned to avoid expressing our feelings so we don’t make others uncomfortable and are well practiced in the arts of suppression and numbing so we need not deal with the messy nature of feelings.

    As a result, the unexpressed emotions get frozen in our systems, blocking the flow of life-force energy while also lingering like a powder keg, just one errant spark away from KABOOMING.

    It’s not a good system for creating a healthy, productive life or intimate relationships.

    It seems to be a big secret that it doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe that’s because emotional suppression is a great cash cow for the pharmaceutical and alcohol industries?

    In between stuffing it all down and erupting at the worst possible time is alternative approach, one I would describe as more mature and effective.

    It takes a fair amount of compassion, courage and curiosity to turn towards our feelings, both those that are unfolding in the moment and those stored in our archives, but it’s the only way to reclaim wholeness.

    We aren’t whole if we reject any part of ourselves, and that includes our emotions.

    Ugh. How inconvenient! Sorry, not sorry, there’s no skipping over this.

    I’ll add here that feelings need to be witnessed and felt, not rationalized, analyzed, figured out or otherwise compartmentalized. This is a huge, sneaky bypass attempt. I say “attempt” because it doesn’t work- this supposed bypass just leads to a parking lot where you sit and stew in perpetuity.

    Thinking about your feelings is not the same as feeling them. Believe me, I tried. For almost a decade, I thought I was doing emotional healing work by sensing and naming my feelings, but I was still avoiding the painful, messy experience of anger, grief, disappointment and fear. Guess what? Those energies remained active within me, waiting to be felt, growing impatient and more and more disruptive over time.

    Let’s take anger as an example. When I get angry and suppress it, it lives on within me, eating me up on the inside, leaking out sideways as passive aggressive behavior and sarcasm, or exploding outwards, causing collateral damage when the pressure exceeds my capacity for containment.

    I’m sure you’ll agree that’s not healthy.

    Don’t think that I’m saying you shouldn’t get angry! I’m not. First of all, I can’t tell you how you should feel. Second, there are loads of reasons to be angry. Anger, rage even, is justified sometimes. It’s a sign that a boundary has been crossed and perhaps that some sort of action is needed to protect our values, if not our safety.

    So if you don’t want to store anger and you can’t avoid it altogether, then you must need to hurl it back to the person or event that activated it?

    Nope. I’m not saying that either. As you likely know, impulsively reacting in the heat of anger can also have harmful consequences.

    I’m suggesting a more masterful, mindful approach. One you may not have even knew existed.

    You can metabolize that anger in private, without involving anyone else, including the activator of that anger.

    Which doesn’t mean you never need to have a conversation with a coworker or partner about crossed boundaries, but doing the inner work first gives access to our inner wisdom and power so we are more likely to remain connected with our values and be heard because we haven’t just called someone a big fat stupidhead and run off sobbing. Don’t look at me like that- you know exactly what I mean!

    Reiki is tremendously helpful for doing this work. It helps me find the motivation and courage to dive in, the clarity to recognize what needs to be done, the energy to stay with it, the compassion to prevent self-condemnation or blame.

    If you’re looking for some support with metabolizing your emotions, I have a few different suggestions to offer. It depends on how much you want to participate.

    If you are willing to witness and allow feelings to emerge and be felt, Reiki sessions can help. This is a long-term project, especially if you’ve been accumulating painful emotions for an entire lifetime, but it is doable with a commitment to showing up on a consistent basis.

    You could take a Reiki class and learn to give yourself daily treatments as your primary strategy or as a supplement to receiving sessions from a professional. This is more affordable, as you’ll be doing a significant part of the work yourself.

    If you’re stuck and floundering, it might help to have a Reiki+Coaching session, where I can shine some light into the shadows where you’ve stored the dark stuff. This will only work if you’re willing to witness what’s there, don’t project your anger onto me and truly want some help getting started addressing your issues.

    If you’re wanting to go on pretending that your emotions are not wreaking havoc from the sidelines, I recommend never getting a Reiki session. Reiki is always working in your highest good and is not going to allow you to continue storing toxic waste in your psyche and body. There are plenty of ways to avoid your feelings- you only need to watch TV for ten minutes to see one of them displayed.

    If you want to rebel against the repressed/suppressed status quo and activate the full flow of life-force available to you, I do hope you’ll join me in one way or another and let Reiki do it’s magic on your behalf.

    Healing “Negative” Emotions. Hint: there’s no such thing!

    Holistic healing means addressing all the various parts of ourselves, including our emotions. Even the ones…

  • The Rebel and the Heat Wave

    We’re reaching that part of summer when I’m just over it. My resilience for heat and humidity has dwindled and I’m ready for falling leaves and pumpkins. Instead, we have winds that feel rather like standing in front of my blow dryer. 😅

    Every morning I go out onto the porch for a sunrise meditation. Lately I feel like I’m entering a swamp when I step outside. At 6am!

    Looking on the bright side, there’s no need to hit the sauna. Getting in the sweltering car a few times every day must have some sort of detox effect, right? And going into most stores has got to have benefits similar to a cold plunge, what with the 30 degree temperature differential.

    I joke that I now have a 10am curfew. I don’t love being hermetically sealed inside for so much of the day, so I try to get out to the woods early. It’s a few degrees cooler by the creek.

    I took a little video to remind me of this little oasis. May it offer you some relief and a touch of nature’s medicine. Imagine yourself being there in person, drinking in the fresh air and cool breeze.

    Adapting my routine and bright-side-thinking can only take me so far, though. Let’s be realistic, mint tea and coconut water are refreshing, but they aren’t miracle workers.

    Eventually my inner rebel emerges.

    “You can’t make me stay inside!”

    (It might help to explain that I give my internal voices a descriptive character name and speak of them as separate beings. It’s just a tool for understanding the workings of my mind. It ends up sounding like there’s a full cast in my head. Because there often is! Can you relate?)

    Please note, this rebel is the same character who said, “You can’t make me go outside!” when summer began. 😆

    She’s just contrary. But the thing about rebelling is… that’s not really freedom. When you’re just doing the opposite, breaking the rules, rocking the boat just to be different, you’re still controlled by the status quo.

    Last year about this time, she came out and insisted we absolutely could go for a hike in the 95 degree weather. The hike itself was fine, but afterwards, a whopper of a headache erupted. The end result could hardly to be described as “freedom”.

    What I did today was mediate a negotiation. Ignoring, suppressing or overriding the rebel generally fails. At best, it’s energy consuming and not much fun.

    Same goes for the inner overprotective mother. She’s the one who’d prefer I remained at a consistent 72 degrees year round. Bah!

    So I called upon the inner stern auntie, a role I have perfected in real life with my niece and nephews. I’m fair, but not a softie with them, and this wise, compassionate, mature part of me is best qualified for overseeing arguments between children as well as different aspects of myself.

    Rule #1: Everyone has a chance to say their piece.

    The rebel wants to go out and it’s past our 😂 10am curfew. Helicopter mom says no, it’s too hot.

    Rule #2: We don’t rule things out just because they didn’t work in the past. Instead, we workshop ideas to improve them and plan accordingly.

    I’ll spare you the details, but I sorted through options of when and where to go, what to bring, what I could do before and after in order to get a proper walk in the woods without ending up dehydrated and decrepit.

    In this way of relating, everyone wins. The parent figure gets to keep us safe, the rebel gets to go out and experience some freedom, the auntie gets to play peacekeeper.

    This approach works for all sorts of inner incompatibility. When I find myself resistant to doing the thing I promised myself I would or wouldn’t do, torn between two choices or completely clueless about how to proceed, I invite all the characters to a round table session and discuss how to meet everyone’s needs.

    This engenders trust in myself and reduces future resistance and outbursts.

    I learned this ages ago as an energetic practice of aligning head, heart and gut. Getting thoughts, emotions and instincts all onboard for decisions and actions. Since then, I’ve drawn on the IFS (Internal Family Systems) model. “No Bad Parts” by Dick Schwartz is a good entry point if you’d like to learn more.

    The reason I’m using such a minor issue to demonstrate this technique is because I think it’s important to begin with the easy stuff. Jumping in to the deep end can backfire and cause emotional distress and a rift in self trust.

    I’m happy to report that I’m back from the woods, showered, hydrated and feeling ready to meet the rest of the day. I’ve learned something about myself and am more likely to be self-compassionate moving forward as a result.

    Whatever your day brings, whatever season you find yourself in, whatever inner turmoil might be brewing, I wish you harmony and peace. I hope these words can help you cultivate it.

    Cultivating peace and harmony internally is essential to cultivating holistic health. Hit subscribe and stay connected for more tips and tricks to enjoy optimal wellness.

    The Rebel and the Heat Wave

    We’re reaching that part of summer when I’m just over it. My resilience for heat and…

  • Relaxation as a Portal to Healing

    Modern medicine is finally starting to recognize the detrimental effects that chronic stress has on our health. Physiologically, it’s clear that living under a cloud of too much to do, too many to care for, too little support and too few resources is a recipe for illness.

    We know that the fight or flight response helps in an emergency situation, but when triggered 10 times each day before breakfast, it inhibits the immune system. It reroutes energy that would ideally be used for detoxification, digestion, assimilation of nutrients, cellular repair, creativity and focus and leaves us feeling fatigued, anxious, tense and stuck.

    Activating the relaxation response is the foundation of the work I do. The number one thing clients say to me after a session is, “I feel so relaxed.” Or some variation of that. Sometimes it’s, “I didn’t know it was possible to feel so relaxed.”

    Fantastic!

    And then people generally return to their default patterns which generally do not preserve this relaxation.

    I’m not pointing fingers here. We live in a world that promotes stress and busyness as markers of value and dismisses rest, relaxation and listening to the body’s cries for help as weakness. It’s totally understandable that most of us never learned how to relax, why it’s so important or how to keep it once we’ve gotten a taste.

    If you get your car detailed, it will look great at first. How long will it last? Well, that’s up to you, isn’t it? It could be a minute or a month, maybe even two, depending on how you use it and your habits.

    Same goes with relaxation. There is no one application that is permanent. It’s something that needs to be cultivated. There isn’t a “one size fits all” way to do that, though.

    For those who are primed to change their habits and commit to a different way of interacting with the world, a treatment can be a jumpstart into their new routines.

    Others will need consistent treatment until they find their footing and can build and maintain their routines.

    Others will see a monthly treatment as ongoing support for themselves and all the care they offer to the world.

    Others don’t even know where to begin. If this is you, I commend you for reading this far and being willing to consider what might be very much out of your comfort zone.

    If your comfort zone has gotten too restrictive and you’re ready to expand it, I’d suggest trying my Reiki + coaching treatment and we can have a chat about small, simple actions you can take as well as fill up your tank with healing life-force energy.

    Wherever you are, I’m here to help. There’s no need to worry that you’re too stressed or too anything or not enough of some other thing. We all have to begin our healing journey from where we are. Rather than bemoaning our starting point we can instead use that energy to step in the direction we’d like to go.

    Today’s a good day to take that first step, don’t you think?

    Relaxation as a Portal to Healing

    Modern medicine is finally starting to recognize the detrimental effects that chronic stress has on our…

  • Happy Solstice!

    Tomorrow is the summer solstice here in the U.S. It’s the longest day of the year and the first day of summer. For my fellow Cancerians, it’s our birth month, the time when the sun enters our zodiac sign, shining blessings upon us. 🦀 🎂

    All this sunshine and the resulting heat can easily tip us out of balance if we don’t take care. For me, irritation is very close to the surface this time of year.

    Especially when I see temperatures in the high 90s when it’s only June! 😖

    Given the choice of suffering greatly while feeling wilted and like a volcano ready to erupt or taking action to alleviate the excess heat, I choose prevention.

    I enjoy the cooling effects of sun tea made with fresh mint leaves. Making cucumber water is as simple as dropping a few slices in a jug and letting the flavor infuse the water and has the added bonus of feeling fancy.

    I’m especially fond of a pranayama practice called sitali breath. It’s sometimes called “taco breathing” as you make a shape like a hard taco shell with the tongue. No worries if you can’t do that (I recall a 9th grade biology lesson that says some people are genetically incapable of doing so); there’s a modification.

    If you find yourself getting overheated just thinking about stepping away from the air conditioner, this can really help. Add a cool, wet towel to the back of the neck if you’re very heat averse or tend to generate a lot of internal heat.

    https://yogainternational.com/article/view/beat-the-heat-sitali-and-sitkari/

    The AC is cranking here at my office if you’d like to come have a treatment in the cool air.

    Happy Solstice!

    Tomorrow is the summer solstice here in the U.S. It’s the longest day of the year…

  • I’m seeing a lot of heightened emotions out there. Given the state of the world, it’s no surprise. Emotions aren’t a problem in and of themselves, but when we hold them in, they wreak havoc with our health, and when we fling them about carelessly, they wreak havoc in our relationships and contribute to the collective chaos.

    There’s another way! We can alchemize our feelings using practices such as this meditation that my Reiki teacher Laura Bruno shares. Rather than repressing, suppressing, avoiding, escaping, or projecting you could engage in a process of responsibly and compassionately acknowledging and transmuting these powerful emotions.

    It’s been a game changer for me and I hope you’ll give it a try.

    Working with Uncomfortable Emotions

    I’m seeing a lot of heightened emotions out there. Given the state of the world, it’s…