emotional well-being

I was deeply touched by Jeff Foster’s latest newsletter- so much so that I’ve copied it below. All the words following this sentence are his; I’m just sharing them here for anyone who may need some inspiration.

I want to explore a question that I’ve received in so many forms these last couple of years, and it’s a question I’ve contemplated a lot myself:

“How do we go on living our ordinary, comfortable lives while knowing that terrible suffering is going on every single day for so many people around the world? Can we ever make peace with that suffering?”

Here’s how I’d respond:

I do not think you have to “make peace” with cruelty and violence.
Not today. Maybe never.

(Look. I cannot tell you what to do. But perhaps I can suggest the following…)

Let the suffering of the innocent and the oppressed move you. Let it break your heart. Let it hurt. Deeply. The pain itself means your heart is still working! You are not numb. You are not detached, cold, or indifferent. You are not bypassing your humanity.

You hurt because your brothers and sisters are hurting. You belong to the same river of humanity.

At the same time, you must accept a limit to your hurting, if you can. Remember, you did not directly cause this horror. You cannot carry all of it without being crushed by it yourself, without being destroyed by the weight of the world’s suffering. You can only carry what is truly yours.

So you choose how and when to engage, as much as possible. When to read. When to watch. When to talk about world events. When to listen. You do this consciously, deliberately.

Grief and anger have to be held in presence, not poured endlessly into your nervous system all day long without limits. That is not compassion. It is a fast track to burnout and helplessness.

So you breathe first. You find your ground. You return to your real responsibility each day. How you speak. How you treat the people around you. How you love your child, your partner, your neighbour. How you refuse to pass unconsciousness onwards. How you refuse to fuel numbness, hatred, or violence in your family, your community, your workplace, your town or city.

You do your own inner work. You look honestly at the violence and prejudice in yourself. You attend to your own childhood wounds. You look at the log in your own eye before pointing at the splinter in your neighbour’s. Healing your own trauma is not a distraction from saving the world. I truly believe it is part of how the world is saved.

And yes, of course, you can still protest. But not as permanent outrage. Not as more hatred layered on top of hatred. You act where action is possible. You show up. You speak. You vote. You give generously. You withhold consent.

And you do not let protest make you cruel! If your protest costs you your capacity to love, the damage has already spread.

And you rest too. You rest when you can. Rest is not a luxury. It is fuel. It is the source of all things.

And you allow joy, without apology and without guilt! Joy is not a betrayal of the cause. Joy is how you stop the violence from taking your soul too.

You shine your light, even when it feels impossibly dark.

And remember, there is no clean or easy way to live with all this. Anyone who says there is is being glib, or trying to sell you comfort way too cheaply. Being deeply affected by the world does not resolve neatly. It does not offer easy closure.

You may never be at peace with all the suffering in the world, but maybe you can make peace with THAT.

Finally, I’d say that it really is damn brave to choose to stay awake, tender, open-hearted and curious in a world that keeps asking you to shut down.

Staying Tender in a Hurting World, by Jeff Foster

Jeff Foster’s newsletter on staying open
Today’s post was inspired by a country song.

That’s not a sentence I ever expected to type! I’m not a country music fan, but I sometimes find the lyrics to be creative, colorful, and utterly relatable.

This song was about attempting to drown sorrows, but failing as they (the sorrows) had learned to swim.

We can safely assume that “drowning sorrows” in this context involves a large amount of whiskey.

But that doesn’t really work, does it? It can help you avoid a problem for a short amount of time, but often stirs up entirely new problems, such as a hangover or the consequences of decisions made while inebriated.

Believe me, I fully understand the impulse to escape the uncomfortable feelings. I’m well versed in a wide variety of strategies for doing exactly that. The reason I have so much experience is because it never works, so you have to keep the distractions coming, like a never-ending parade.

I wonder how many sorrows I’ve caused for myself in the pursuit of escaping sorrows. How many layers of suffering did I create for myself in these misguided attempts to avoid pain? I think it’s safe to assume that I’ve more than doubled my struggles in the name of “feeling better”. But it wasn’t better that I was feeling- it was just a temporary numbing.

Let’s just assume that all sorrows can swim. There is no drowning them. Not with whiskey or wine, shopping or scrolling, cookies or ice cream.

Rather than wasting precious life-force to avoid experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, what if we turned to face them?

It requires some courage and moxie to do so. Having some support such as a kind friend, spiritual advisor, or practical tool to help you stay present and grounded can make all the difference.

Reiki is one such tool. Not the only one, just the one I’m most familiar with as I’ve used it daily for the past 23 years. It helps with emotional and nervous system regulation by fostering a sense of peace and calm within. It neutralizes my urge to run away when things get tough and allows me to stay connected with my higher self. It builds harmony, clarity and balance so that I’m better able to meet the sorrows when they appear, but don’t get stuck wallowing in them.

Reiki helps me to be with grief, anger, upset and disappointment as well as joy and peace (which can be equally as uncomfortable if they’re unfamiliar).

These days I experience emotions like clouds in the sky. They come and go, but do not define me. Some days are stormy, some cloudy, some sunny. If I don’t like the weather, I can just wait a few minutes and it will change naturally.

Wherever you are in the world and on your healing journey, I’m willing to bet that Reiki can help you face your sorrows if you’re ready to try something new.

This is a judgment-free zone. I work with people with all sorts of issues, big and small, mystical and mundane, common and bizarre. I’ve yet to meet an emotion that Reiki couldn’t help metabolize when the recipient was truly willing to meet it.

Today is a great day to take a step towards wholeness by reclaiming all the life-force that has been invested in avoiding feelings. Get yourself some Reiki or join a training so you can learn to give yourself daily treatments.

There’s no need to drown sorrows when you can instead become adept at sitting with them and watching as they gradually lose intensity.

The side effects of Reiki treatment are feeling relaxed, at ease, at one with self and purpose, patient, compassionate, and joy-full. You already know the side-effects of several escapism strategies that are doomed to fail.

Those sorrows are not going to drown, no matter how much alcohol you use. Let’s stop this madness and try a holistic approach that cultivates wellness instead of headaches and regrets.

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The Problem with Drowning Your Sorrows

Today’s post was inspired by a country song. That’s not a sentence I ever expected to…
As a Reiki practitioner, I’m in the business of promoting holistic health and healing. I’m here to share what holistic wellness means to me, someone who swims daily in these waters, knowing that my take is different than many others’.

I will start by saying that it’s complicated. But even that is an understatement.

“Holistic healing” means cultivating harmony and balance in all aspects of your being.

ALL of you.

Nothing is excluded, not even parts you may have rejected that remain lurking in the shadows.

Thoughts, emotions, sensations, impulses, instincts, biochemical reactions, energy patterns, and more.

It is a completely different paradigm from the conventional sick-care model where people with an ailment go to a professional with a stethoscope and receive 9 minutes of divided attention and a prescription to suppress symptoms.

In the holistic model, it’s not simply a matter of swapping out “natural remedies” for the pharmaceutical variety. We are not interested in squashing the body’s messages when something is out of balance. Instead, we are interested in diving down that rabbit hole and exploring the sources of those imbalances.

Generally it involves a shift in one’s perspective, belief system, coping mechanisms, environment, relationships, and/or habits. Meaning that it’s essential to remove that which is interfering with wellness.

Very rarely is it as simple as a 9 minute conversation and a pill.

Imagine finding black mold in your basement. You could slap some wallpaper over it and pretend it isn’t there or lock the door and avoid the area altogether. You’d still be breathing spores, though, wouldn’t you? To actually treat the the mold, it would need to be carefully and methodically removed. Likewise, the origin of the dampness would need to be resolved to prevent future infestation.

That’s the kind of work we do with Reiki. (And you could learn how in a Reiki 1 class!)

Once you wrap your head around the concept that wellness is something we can choose to neglect or to foster, it gets easier to understand why it takes time. And effort. And probably some out-of-pocket spending since the insurance-to-pharmaceutical pipeline is not going to be very helpful in this regard.

While health isn’t always something that we can perfect, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take steps in that direction. Every action has consequences, and progress matters more than achieving some mythical goal of perfection.

What I’ve observed over the two decades + that I’ve spent immersed in this work is that the some of the largest obstacles to wellness are internal forces. Things like outdated survival strategies that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns, limiting beliefs about who we are and what roles we must play, inherited beliefs about what is possible and how we need to behave to be safe and belong.

(Yes, there are massive systemic failures that need to be repaired. Without a doubt the entire medical industrial complex needs a makeover as well as the ridiculous demands of modern day living. These things, however, are outside my capacity to influence in a timely manner.)

These internal factors are all malleable with consistent attention. I can help with the process, but I cannot do the work for anyone. Nor can any other practitioner, therapist, pill, or optimized morning routine. No cold plunge, red light therapy, or herbal supplement can zap away a lifetime of neglected and festering wounds. They might be useful tools on the journey, but they are not the journey itself.

Your compassionate attention is required.

There are lots of reasons you may find this to be challenging. My work is designed to help you meet and dismantle these challenges. Can you do this work on your own? Absolutely. But you don’t have to.

A good starting point is to simply notice how you’re feeling. You could begin right now. I find it helps to place a hand on my heart and inquire within: How am I feeling right now? Allow the answer to bubble up without needing to justify why you feel that way or if you should or should not be having whatever feelings you are or are not having. Just acknowledge what is true for you in this moment.

If you’re feeling especially brave, you could explore this feeling through sound, movement, journaling, or artwork.

How would this feeling like me to move? What sound would it make? What words would it use? What colors or shapes or patterns does it want to express?

A simple practice including the compassionate witnessing of our own feelings is incredibly therapeutic. It’s somewhat of a secret though, as there is no way to commodify this practice and if we all began engaging in such behavior, it would likely disrupt the so-called wellness industry’s profit margin.

Like I said earlier, holistic healing is complicated. There’s more to it than just noticing feelings, but this can activate a shift in your life’s trajectory that can have huge implications over time. It can open up the flow of life-force, allowing all your systems to receive a boost in healing energy and enhancing your immune system.

For those with unprocessed acute trauma, it can also trigger some heavy, upsetting emotions. In this case, it’s wise to have some support on standby and to go slowly. Maybe you start with just three breaths and then turn your attention to something more comfortable.

Somewhere in between suppressing your feelings and trying to do everything all at once is a middle ground. Choose something easy or the one thing that you know will yield a cascade of beneficial results. Take one step in that direction. And keep going.

If you want the support of spiritually-guided life-force, AKA Reiki, consider scheduling session or joining a class. It would be my great honor to hold space and provide healing energy for your journey.

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Holistic Wellness. What does that even mean?

As a Reiki practitioner, I’m in the business of promoting holistic health and healing. I’m here…
If you’re reading this, chances are you are actively involved in co-creating more wellness in your life.

The more you learn, the more complicated it seems.

It’s not just what you eat, but where it came from and how it was stored and prepared. Not just that you exercise, but when and where.

My neighbor and I were joking the other day that if you do all the things, when are you supposed to work?

It’s a lot to hold in your awareness, let alone to follow through.

I’m leaning into doing less and the tools that are helpful but don’t require another item on my calendar, shopping list, or the creation of a to-do spreadsheet.

Such as music. Not all music, obviously, but some varieties can be soothing or uplifting, calming or energizing.

And all you have to do is press play and maybe pop on some headphones.

Here’s to doing less and receiving more.

No More To-do’s, Please

If you’re reading this, chances are you are actively involved in co-creating more wellness in your…
I haven’t been posting very much this winter. At first, I felt the inward draw of the shorter days around the solstice. I didn’t have much to say and leaned deeply into introspection.

As the days began to lengthen in January, I still was quiet. Incubating something, but still, not much to say about it.

Then, this happened:

Nine inches of heavy, wet snow. We’re still dealing with the aftermath two weeks later; heaps of plowed snow at every intersection and covering many parking spots.

It’s been disruptive to say the least. We’ve had a few warmer afternoons when the piles softened and then refroze overnight, now icy and slippery instead of lumpy and surmountable.

Even Phil, the oracle groundhog has acknowledged that we have a long way to go until spring arrives.

And now, we have yet another string of days that are brutally cold.

I’ve met my match. While I might feel invigorated walking in twenty degree weather, I’ve learned that my line is drawn when we dip into the single digits. And certainly negative 13 (cuz the crazy wind) is not conducive to a healthful stroll around the block.

A good part of my “therapy”, both physical and mental/emotional, relies on daily walks outside, preferably amongst the trees instead of cars. But this is just simply not available to me currently.

It’s a bummer, but I can pivot. Part of the reason I invest so heavily in my daily therapy is so that I have reserves for when I need it. Also, so I can access my intuition about when I need to pivot.

This weather is a good reminder that I can’t control everything. Actually, I can’t control most things! All I can do is the best I can with what I’ve got to work with. And today, that’s going to be indoors despite a desire to get some fresh air and sunshine.

This was a long way of saying, if you’ve been dealt less than ideal circumstances, you can fight against it, give up entirely and go back to bed, or roll with it. Take a moment to truly assess your resources and challenges before falling into default patterns. Learning to roll with it can yield amazing, unforeseen results.

If a door is closed to you, you can try to ram it down. But I’ve learned (the hard way!) that exploring options and seeking an open window often leads to fortuitous events.

When I let go of the plan my mind has made and choose to go with the flow, that’s when miracles happen.

And I am most ready for a miracle today!

I bet you are too.

So that’s what -13 degrees F “feels like”!

I haven’t been posting very much this winter. At first, I felt the inward draw of…
I write a lot about this because it’s so crucial to health. When we live in a state or chronic dysregulation, ongoing stress, and consistent unease, all of our bodily systems are compromised. Learning to embody calm and a sense of safety is essential to reclaim optimal health.

I also talk a lot about Reiki, partly because I find it the most useful tool for regulating my nervous system. It does other wonderful things too, but for the sake of writing an article and not an encyclopedia, I’ll try to stay on topic.

We start with knowing that it’s important to do, necessary even, if we’d like to optimize health, happiness, and creativity. For me, that means making it a priority.

So I’ve made a commitment to do the work. Yes, it is work. Not hard work, but it takes consistent time and attention. I can assure you that it is a worthy investment.

Next, I want to acknowledge that this is DOABLE. It’s simple, accessible, and practical. You might not know how, might never have even known it was possible, but you can learn.

I’ll add here that learning new things can be activating for the nervous system because it likes to keep us in the familiar zone. It confuses unsafe with unfamiliar, so you’ll probably need to use these tools while you’re in the process of learning to use these tools.

Welcome to the complex and spiral nature of healing!

I’ll assume that if you continue to read, you recognize that you want to do this, can do this, and are rolling up your metaphorical sleeves at this moment.

In short, you are ready, willing, and able. Right?

The first step is recognizing a sense of unease in the body. If this is your home base, not to worry, this is a pattern that can be reprogrammed. It will help to add a 5-10 minute awareness practice to your day (morning is especially effective) to sort through the feelings, sensations, and thoughts to reestablish a new baseline.

But today I’m talking about how to interrupt an acute experience of distress.

My goal for today is focused on self-care. It’s a day off and I have planned to have a restful afternoon with a few enjoyable activities scattered throughout. In reality, I had too many to-do items for the day to be relaxing and I started to feel anxious.

Enter Reiki. For me, it helps to prevent a snowball effect and gives me enough space and clarity to recognize what’s really going on.

OK, too many activities means I need to let go of one of them or decide that it’s more important than the ease and rest I am really craving. There’s dissonance between my schedule and my desire and it’s a no brainer to skip the webinar on myofascial release. Maybe I’ll catch the replay. Maybe not.

Great, so now I’m back in harmony on one level, but I’m still feeling anxious. That’s the thing- you can’t reason your way into a regulated state. This is a physiological condition and needs a physiological repair.

Fine. So what is it exactly that I’m feeling? I call it anxiety, but what are the sensations? There’s a buzzing in my upper abdomen. I call it hornets in my gut. Most unpleasant! And my quads are contracted as if I’m prepared to flee.

What does my body need? To know that I am safe. It’s a maladaptive response to confuse a full schedule with danger, but them’s the breaks. That’s how we are wired and better to know this and learn to work with it than to ignore it.

I can use my senses to log data in my environment and send a signal to my brain that there is literally noting to be afraid of at this time. I look around the room, notice there is no fire, no tiger, no mean girls, and my shoulders drop away from my ears.

What else?

An outlet for this energy. I know from previous experience that focusing on my breath, particularly extending exhales and adding an audible sigh can work miracles.

Now my mind jumps in suggesting that this is too simple, too easy to work against such a major activation. That everyone is always talking about the breath as a form of embodiment practice, but really what do those experts of ancient healing systems really know? Yeah, sometimes my mind is an arrogant jerk.

I override this little ego trip and spend a mere three minutes sighing heavily over a cup of herbal tea. I wonder what the neighbors think, then remember that one of them played Dancing Queen loudly, twice this morning before 7:00 and decide I don’t care.

Three minutes and the hornets are subdued. Like 90%. They might actually be butterflies now. It’s that transformational.

The energy is still alive in my legs and I know from previous experimentation that I need to move. I love the rebounder (it’s a mini trampoline that fits easily in my apartment) for shaking out angst, but many forms of movement are also effective.

Now that I feel like I’m no longer going to crawl out of my own skin, I can sit and give myself a Reiki treatment to reach complete resolution. I can also have a look at my calendar from my now-calm state of being and make sure my daily activities are aligned with my priority of maintaining this regulation.

I can also acknowledge that living fully means ups and downs and that there is very likely to be upset in my future. Knowing this, I can refine my plan for meeting whatever comes my way. Generally, I want to be compassionate and aware, tuned in to my body, and well resourced so that I can respond accordingly.

Healing does not mean ubiquitous calm. How dull would that be?! It does, however, mean that I want to address energy leaks and unnecessary upset, bounce back from minor upsets with ease, and be in touch with my needs and how to meet them.

If you already have Reiki, you can apply it towards your intention to regulate and repair your nervous system.

If you’d like to learn how to do this, know that anyone, even the most stressed of us, can learn how to do Reiki for ourselves and share it with our loved ones. I have a beginners level training coming up soon if you’re in the Philly area.

Booking a session can also provide a wonderful reset, giving you a sense of calm and access to your inner wisdom and intuition.

I spent much of my life with the hornets in my gut, never really at ease, slightly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop even when there was zero reason to be unsettled. Learning how to calm my nerves has been utterly invaluable to my wellbeing and creativity. I have faith that if you’re in that same boat, there is hope for you too.

Nervous System Basics

I write a lot about this because it’s so crucial to health. When we live in…
… and let go of everything that is ready to go.

Autumn is the time of year when Nature urges us to release our hold on that which no longer serves us. Clinging to the old uses a lot of life-force energy and often prevents us from moving forward.

See how the trees simply drop the leaves after they have completed their time together?

Winter is coming and that is a time for rest and restoration. That can be more easily done when we aren’t dragging a bunch of decaying matter with us, be it beliefs, emotions, habits, or relationships.

What’s one thing you can release in order to make more space for your true self to emerge?

Me? I’m doing a closet clean out AND committing to taking the bag(s) of culled items to a donation center by the end of the month.

It doesn’t need to be complicated or arduous. Maybe start with that pile of paperwork cluttering your desk or the ubiquitous kitchen junk drawer. Your future self with thank you.

Be Like a Tree

… and let go of everything that is ready to go. Autumn is the time of…
Online TRE® Introductory Workshop

TRE is one of my favorite stress relief modalities. I took an introductory class with Maria about 12 years ago and found it incredibly helpful. Lately I’ve been using it most days to help with chronic tension patterns that contribute to low back pain.

I enjoy her no-nonsense teaching style. She is very clear about what to do and why and her presence helps me to feel safe, even though we’re not in the same room. Not everyone can teach virtual classes well, but she has mastered this skill.

From her newsletter:

TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercise) is an innovative series of exercises that assist the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma. Created by Dr. David Berceli, PhD, TRE safely activates a natural reflex mechanism of shaking or vibrating that releases muscular tension, calming down the nervous system. When this muscular shaking/vibrating mechanism is activated in a safe and controlled environment, the body is encouraged to return back to a state of balance.

TRE® is based on the fundamental idea, backed by recent research, that stress, tension and trauma is both psychological and physical. TRE®’s reflexive muscle vibrations generally feel pleasant and soothing. After doing TRE®, many people report feelings of peace and well-being.

This “tremor” response may seem weird at first, but it feels great to let my body shake from the inside out.

If you have chronic stress or pain or a history of unprocessed trauma, this might be a tool to support you on your healing journey.

Online TRE Intro with Maria Alfaro

TRE is one of my favorite stress relief modalities. I took an introductory class with Maria…
I very much enjoy Jeff’s teachings on a very uncommon style of meditation. Instead of going up and out, escaping the body, he guides us down and in, landing squarely in our humanity.

He’s offering yet another free webinar that I’m excited to attend.

Here’s an excerpt from his newsletter:

THE PEACE PARADOX – Why Chasing Calm is Making You Miserable (and What to Do Instead)

Together we’ll explore:

• Why chasing “calm” often creates more inner tension
• How true meditation can welcome ALL emotions – even rage, grief, and fear
• The astonishing paradox of peace – how true peace emerges when you stop trying to be peaceful!
• A radically compassionate, deeply human approach to spiritual practice

This is not about transcending your humanity—it’s about befriending it.
https://jefffosteronline.com/the-peace-paradox/

I often share his free webinars here because they address the very obstacles that I and so many others experience on the spiritual path. He’s very generous with his offerings and these freebies offer a taste of what you can expect from his programs should you wish to go deeper.

I have no financial ties to him, this is just an amazing opportunity I want to pass along.

The Peace Paradox with Jeff Foster

I very much enjoy Jeff’s teachings on a very uncommon style of meditation. Instead of going…