self-compassion

We’re reaching that part of summer when I’m just over it. My resilience for heat and humidity has dwindled and I’m ready for falling leaves and pumpkins. Instead, we have winds that feel rather like standing in front of my blow dryer. 😅

Every morning I go out onto the porch for a sunrise meditation. Lately I feel like I’m entering a swamp when I step outside. At 6am!

Looking on the bright side, there’s no need to hit the sauna. Getting in the sweltering car a few times every day must have some sort of detox effect, right? And going into most stores has got to have benefits similar to a cold plunge, what with the 30 degree temperature differential.

I joke that I now have a 10am curfew. I don’t love being hermetically sealed inside for so much of the day, so I try to get out to the woods early. It’s a few degrees cooler by the creek.

I took a little video to remind me of this little oasis. May it offer you some relief and a touch of nature’s medicine. Imagine yourself being there in person, drinking in the fresh air and cool breeze.

Adapting my routine and bright-side-thinking can only take me so far, though. Let’s be realistic, mint tea and coconut water are refreshing, but they aren’t miracle workers.

Eventually my inner rebel emerges.

“You can’t make me stay inside!”

(It might help to explain that I give my internal voices a descriptive character name and speak of them as separate beings. It’s just a tool for understanding the workings of my mind. It ends up sounding like there’s a full cast in my head. Because there often is! Can you relate?)

Please note, this rebel is the same character who said, “You can’t make me go outside!” when summer began. 😆

She’s just contrary. But the thing about rebelling is… that’s not really freedom. When you’re just doing the opposite, breaking the rules, rocking the boat just to be different, you’re still controlled by the status quo.

Last year about this time, she came out and insisted we absolutely could go for a hike in the 95 degree weather. The hike itself was fine, but afterwards, a whopper of a headache erupted. The end result could hardly to be described as “freedom”.

What I did today was mediate a negotiation. Ignoring, suppressing or overriding the rebel generally fails. At best, it’s energy consuming and not much fun.

Same goes for the inner overprotective mother. She’s the one who’d prefer I remained at a consistent 72 degrees year round. Bah!

So I called upon the inner stern auntie, a role I have perfected in real life with my niece and nephews. I’m fair, but not a softie with them, and this wise, compassionate, mature part of me is best qualified for overseeing arguments between children as well as different aspects of myself.

Rule #1: Everyone has a chance to say their piece.

The rebel wants to go out and it’s past our 😂 10am curfew. Helicopter mom says no, it’s too hot.

Rule #2: We don’t rule things out just because they didn’t work in the past. Instead, we workshop ideas to improve them and plan accordingly.

I’ll spare you the details, but I sorted through options of when and where to go, what to bring, what I could do before and after in order to get a proper walk in the woods without ending up dehydrated and decrepit.

In this way of relating, everyone wins. The parent figure gets to keep us safe, the rebel gets to go out and experience some freedom, the auntie gets to play peacekeeper.

This approach works for all sorts of inner incompatibility. When I find myself resistant to doing the thing I promised myself I would or wouldn’t do, torn between two choices or completely clueless about how to proceed, I invite all the characters to a round table session and discuss how to meet everyone’s needs.

This engenders trust in myself and reduces future resistance and outbursts.

I learned this ages ago as an energetic practice of aligning head, heart and gut. Getting thoughts, emotions and instincts all onboard for decisions and actions. Since then, I’ve drawn on the IFS (Internal Family Systems) model. “No Bad Parts” by Dick Schwartz is a good entry point if you’d like to learn more.

The reason I’m using such a minor issue to demonstrate this technique is because I think it’s important to begin with the easy stuff. Jumping in to the deep end can backfire and cause emotional distress and a rift in self trust.

I’m happy to report that I’m back from the woods, showered, hydrated and feeling ready to meet the rest of the day. I’ve learned something about myself and am more likely to be self-compassionate moving forward as a result.

Whatever your day brings, whatever season you find yourself in, whatever inner turmoil might be brewing, I wish you harmony and peace. I hope these words can help you cultivate it.

Cultivating peace and harmony internally is essential to cultivating holistic health. Hit subscribe and stay connected for more tips and tricks to enjoy optimal wellness.

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The Rebel and the Heat Wave

We’re reaching that part of summer when I’m just over it. My resilience for heat and…
Whether you’re unsure of how to get your healing journey started or stalled somewhere along the way, it can help to have a simple, daily practice to rely on. Something to sink your teeth into.

There’s so much information available to us these days that’s it’s easy to get lost down never-ending rabbit holes, exploring all the options, but never actually taking the first step.

I love kundalini yoga. I find it to be immensely transformative. Mantra, mudra, breathwork, movement, and meditation are all basic components that are combined for synergistic rewards.

You’ll have to leave your need to know at the door. While there are indeed reasons why making particular sounds and hand gestures creates a particular effect, the learning of these reasons often leads to years of study. Study is not practice. It produces information, not results.

I will say that chanting produces a vibration in the head that is said to affect the pineal gland. If that means nothing to you, don’t worry. It’s not necessary to understand to reap the rewards.

I’m not going to get into the history of kundalini yoga. Let’s just say it’s THOUSANDS of years old. From a time when there were fewer distractions and adepts could more easily drop into the moment and their bodies and notice the changes brought about by their efforts.

Nor will I get into the potential benefits of this particular practice other than to say it can help you get unstuck. But only if you do it.

I’ve chosen share kirtan kriya because it is so easy to do. It requires a mere 12 minutes of your time. It has four simple syllables, to be combined with four simple hand gestures.

This video does a good job of guiding the way. The chant is done aloud, then whispered, then silently, then whispered again, and finally aloud. Just follow along.

Traditionally a practice like this is performed for 40 consecutive days for maximum benefit. If that seems like a big commitment, ask yourself how much you’d like to experience relief. If you want to feel differently, you must do something different.

If you have access to Reiki, activate it before you begin and enjoy the bonus of marinating in healing life-force energy. While Reiki remains my number one all time suggestion for healing, for those who haven’t yet been trained or don’t want to or have access to a practitioner, this is a fantastic alternative.

It’s especially great for folks who find meditation or resting in stillness to be torturous. The movements and chanting give the mind something to focus on. This can be done sitting in a chair or standing, even lying down, if that’s necessary.

What do you have to lose? Twelve minutes a day is a pretty minimal investment. Give it a try and see how it feels. Showing up for yourself on a consistent basis is one of the most compassionate and empowering acts possible.

And you’re worth it.

Feeling Stuck? Try This.

Whether you’re unsure of how to get your healing journey started or stalled somewhere along the…
Many of my recent posts have detailed the importance of having a healthy relationship with our bodies. I call this befriending the body, as opposed to treating the container that houses the soul as an inconvenience, a burden, or even an enemy.

Healing means accepting ALL of ourselves.

Including cellulite.

And wrinkles.

Grey hair.

Achy spots.

And body fat.

I made a short video of one of my favorite, super simple practices for befriending my own body using the infinite well of compassion that resides in the heart center.

I hope you’ll give it a try and perhaps consider making this a regular peace offering to yourself to cultivate greater health and happiness.

Reiki can supercharge practices such as this by infusing them with spiritually guided life-force energy. If you’re interested in having lifetime access to healing energy at your fingertips, consider attending my Reiki for Self-Care and Empowerment online training beginning 3/23/23. For those who want to actively participate in co-creating their highest and most joyful good, it’s a game changer.

Befriending Your Body Practice

Many of my recent posts have detailed the importance of having a healthy relationship with our…
I’ve already chosen self-compassion as my theme for 2023. I’m guiding a group on New Year’s Day in my Meetup group, and figured I should do my own work ahead of time. I chose the solstice for my introspective inventory of what’s going on in myself and in my life and what I’d like to call in for next year.

What came up for me is a desire to be 100% on my side, 100% of the time. I saw so clearly how I sometimes reject my feelings when they are uncomfortable or inconvenient and how very unkind that is. I had the image of shoving a lollipop in a little girl’s mouth with the intention of stopping her tears. NOT how I want to be responding to my own emotions!

I made short video of a process that I use to cultivate compassion. It’s so simple! And we don’t often see it modeled in our culture, so it might seem completely foreign. I feel confident that everyone can learn how to do this with some practice.

If this resonates with you, you might be interested in an upcoming event, an installment of my Holistic Wellness series, which will focus on self-compassion. You can learn more and sign up here. If that’s not your thing, I hope you’ll at least take the exercise from the video out for a few spins and see how it lands for you.

The Value of Self-Compassion

I’ve already chosen self-compassion as my theme for 2023. I’m guiding a group on New Year’s…
I had a heck of a dream in the wee hours that triggered some old emotional wounds. I woke up suddenly and unexpectedly with strong feelings of shame, hurt, and resentment coursing through my veins. Not the most pleasant wake-up call! And after an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to claim it as an opportunity for healing.

As I sat in meditation, I suddenly felt that my apartment was too small, much too small to contain these very big feelings. I hastily rearranged my day, threw my travel mug and a few hard-boiled eggs in my backpack, dug out a scarf, hat, and gloves and headed to the creek.

There is something quite magical about being near running water for me. I find it much easier to exhale. And exhales were what I needed to regulate my nervous system that was edging into the red zone. I knew that if I wanted to have a chance to be with the emotions, I needed to stay out of fight-flight-freeze activation. Once that alarm gets pulled, it takes time for me to reset and dig myself out of survival mode.

The chilly air (hooray for autumn!), the brisk walk, and the majesty of nature all supported my goal, and I was able to sit and breath by the water, allowing the emotions to flow. To my surprise, the entire episode passed pretty quickly because I gave it the space it needed. In the past, this level of intense upset would have sidetracked me for days. Today, it was more or less settled in an hour. I was hope in plenty of time for my 11am meeting, which turned out to actually be at noon, so I had an hour to spare and try to capture my experience in words.

Calm returns!

It’s really helpful to have a plan for moments like these. Rational thinking often isn’t available when we get triggered, and it can be hard to figure out a strategy when we’re IN it. Knowing what helps calm you down in advance can be a blessing. For those on the inner journey, doing the work of excavating the caves or exploring the labyrinth, it’s essential.

Movement, sound, breath, nature, and prayer are all tried and true emergency responses. Taking a few minutes on a daily basis to design and refine a protocol when you’re on even ground is a solid step towards saving time and distress when stuff comes up. Building on a foundation of mindfulness and compassion can provide advance warning and the motivation to face challenges head on.

If you have Reiki superpowers, you can use them to help yourself stay centered and willing to meet challenging emotions. For me, it helps to take the edge off and more easily navigate upheaval. The more calm I am, the more likely I am to find the courage and energy to stay put rather than turning to a distraction for artificial relief. It’s a simple as placing a hand on the belly and the other on the heart and thinking “Reiki on”. Let the energy flow and support you on your journey.

Give it S P A C E !!!

I had a heck of a dream in the wee hours that triggered some old emotional…
I talk about self-care a lot. A LOT! It’s an important part of my wellness and healthy aging plans and my career. It’s become increasingly popular over the years and social media is full of prescriptions for all the things you should be doing (and buying!) to practice self-care.

I’m here to propose that “should” be removed entirely from the conversation. What if self-care practices aren’t something that you do because external experts have advised you to?

What if, instead, it’s a simple practice of checking in with yourself frequently? Asking yourself three simple questions (curtesy of Kristy Arbon’s Somatic Self-Compassion work) that can help you get in touch with your inner landscape and allow your decisions to emerge from there? How do I feel? What do I need? What can I do?

What if we learned to care for ourselves the same way we would a three-year old?

Are you hungry? Let’s have a snack. What would you like? Can we find a reasonable compromise that will satisfy desires without causing harm? Can we plan to keep some healthy and convenient options on hand for the future?

Tired? Can we take a minute to stretch or move or just close our eyes and regroup? Can we do some restorative yoga at lunch and cancel any non-essential plans this weekend to enjoy some downtime?

We wouldn’t give a child a list of 20 items that have been prescribed by a self-care guru as daily requirements! Let’s not impose such rigidity on ourselves in the name of wellness. Instead, might we choose to let go of the dogma and let self-care be a practice of caring for ourselves, our needs, our bodies, and our feelings with kindness and compassion?

A revolution like this just doesn’t happen spontaneously. We need to make it a priority. Make ourselves a priority. What if my feelings matter? What if my comfort matters? What if I actually matter? How would I approach my day?

Likely some forethought will be helpful. If I have an energy crash every day at 2:00 that compels me to reach for artificial energy, I could research ways to prevent the crash or healthier ways to navigate it. It is beneficial to tuck some tricks up your sleeve in advance. But rather than bending over backwards to do the tricks just for the sake of checking off a box, see what tricks are going to fulfill your current needs. Let the tricks work for you!

What if self-care is actually a lifestyle based on self-inquiry, self-acceptance and self-compassion rather than more tasks to perform? Let’s find out!

Redefining “Self-Care”

I talk about self-care a lot. A LOT! It’s an important part of my wellness and…
Ushering people into the realm of self-empowerment is my calling. Teaching Reiki classes and providing sessions, both distance and in-person, brings me great joy. Yet I’ve recognized a gap in the services I provide. Once initiated into the Reiki world, there’s not a lot of guidance or connection for practitioners.

Becoming actively involved in one’s wellness is not well supported in our culture. For those interested in reclaiming wholeness and worthiness, accessing guidance from the soul level and creating a lifestyle designed to foster optimal health and happiness, the path is often a solitary one.

This has inspired me to build a new tier of services specifically for Reiki folks. The latest installation is Reiki Squares, an online guided self-care practice. We begin on March 4 with a focus on self-compassion, a concept with which many of us struggle. Intellectually we might understand that we can’t really assist anyone when we’re depleted, but we have few role models for applying self-compassion in the real world.

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

If you’ve been attuned to level 1 Reiki or beyond, regardless of when that happened or how often you practice or don’t practice, you’re welcome to join us. Whatever issues you’re dealing with, Reiki can help.

This is a trauma-informed event and we will begin every session establishing community agreements to build an emotionally safe container. There will be an opportunity, but no obligation, to share about your experience. Many find that being witnessed by colleagues adds value and often we can learn from the adventures of others.

Find more information on this and other services on my Reiki Tribe page, as well as an opportunity to signup for a monthly newsletter announcing future events.

Practicing in community helps remind us that we’re not alone. Healing doesn’t need to be a solitary practice. Join us for an hour of self-compassion and self-care that will hopefully inspire you to add these elements to your daily life.

Online Guided Reiki Practice

Ushering people into the realm of self-empowerment is my calling. Teaching Reiki classes and providing sessions,…