Instead of making resolutions to change your behavior this year that fizzle out in mid-February, I’d like to invite you to try something different, an approach that addresses the reasons for that fizzling.
Setting a goal without getting in touch with your deeper desires, values, fears, or unconscious beliefs won’t have much oomph to it.
Getting to know your “why” (why you are planning to do this thing and what the overarching benefits are) and your “why not” (why you aren’t already doing this thing and the feelings around that) can help preempt self-sabotage. Add in some flexibility, reasonable expectations, and an embodied experience, and you have a lot of oomph on your side.
I’m hosting a free event online on NYD where I’d lead us through this process. Doing this kind of work in a group can be fun and helps us to take ourselves less seriously. Details and registration here.
I’ve also made this short video to get the inquiry started. Grab a cup of tea and a notebook, find yourself a comfy spot where you can have 10-15 minutes to look within and get clear about where you want to go.
I’ve already done my process. I realized that all of my goals fell under the umbrella of “self-compassion”, meaning that if I were unconditionally kind to myself, all of the other shifts would happen automatically. Sweet! Now I only have one goal to focus on, but a variety of options for how to practice.
If you’re anything like me, you need some sort of balance between structure and flexibility. Too much rigidity = rebellion. Too much freedom = chaos, Netflix, and potato chips. 🙂 Balance seems to be a moving target for me, but giving myself the opportunity to experiment is very empowering.
My next tip is to set the bar low. Make agreements with yourself that are doable and set yourself up for success. It’s unreasonable to expect that you’ll go from zero to sixty in a minute. If, for example, you’re wanting to begin a meditation practice, aim for 5-10 minutes per day with the option of working your way up. Committing to lengthy sessions right off the bat is a recipe for trouble.
Finally, bring out the big guns by activating your imagination, emotions, and 5 senses by envisioning yourself having, being, or enjoying your dream. Feel it. Make it alive in you, and drink it in. Make an imprint, a sort of mental snapshot, in your mind.
I hope you find this helpful! I am always amazed at what I learn about myself when I do this process. If it seems like too much effort, you’re invited to borrow my intention and opt to be kinder to yourself in the new year. Can’t go wrong with that!