Lately I’ve been hesitant to share that I’m doing quite well when so many others are suffering greatly. I’ve concluded that it doesn’t help anyone to hide my light, nor do I wish to tell lies or half-truths. So, when someone asks with genuine interest, I don’t hold back.
I’m doing great!
Somewhere in between withholding and gloating there is a middle ground, and that’s what I’m aiming for. Most of the time I hit the mark, but I occasionally still struggle with a strange, misplaced guilt. Who am I to be experiencing such freedom, peace, and joy?
Here’s the thing. I’ve invested great amounts of effort and finances in my wellness. It hasn’t happened by default or simple luck. Every day I make choices that are often inconvenient and spectacularly unpopular.
Choices like prioritizing rest and quality nourishment. Meaning that I regularly say no when people would prefer that I said yes. That I decline invitations for drinks or meals that would not serve my highest good. That I’m unwilling to engage in conversations that are draining or toxic in nature, and that I have deactivated my Facebook account.
The most heroic endeavor, however, is allowing myself to feel all my emotions. Rather than suppressing, avoiding, or numbing, I turn towards the unpleasant reactions.Sitting in meditation when I get triggered and welcoming the totality of the feelings that arise is one of the most important commitments I’ve ever made to myself. This helps me avoid dragging yesterday’s the wounds into today’s interactions.
Protecting my energy field from debris that I might absorb from others, monitoring my thoughts and releasing those that aren’t aligned with my calling, and keeping my heart open through it all requires diligence. Sure, there are times I want to crawl into bed with a pint of ice cream and the remote control. Since I now know such behavior only delays the inevitable, it’s much less appealing.
Yes, I know the world is a crazy place. I am not exempt from what’s happening out there. Being super-sensitive, I’m also aware of the intense cosmic energies. Yet given the choice to embrace my superpower of feeling deeply or opting to feel less, courtesy of self-medication, I choose feeling deeply.
When I’m hiding from my emotions, I have no chance of doing well. The best I can hope for is getting by. When I numb any part of myself, all of me gets numbed. There’s no such thing as selective anesthesia for the psyche.
So… sorry, not sorry, I haven’t posted in ages. It’s because I’ve been busy doing great.