Do you ever stop to wonder who you really are? If there’s more to yourself than the identities you’ve been assigned and those you’ve adopted? If there’s something deeper than what appears on the surface?
I spend a fair amount of time contemplating these things, not only for myself, but also for my students and clients. I have witnessed time and time again that there is something that emerges from beneath the personality who shows up marked by a specific history, carrying unique wounds, bound to certain behavioral patterns.
This is the work that truly interests me: helping people uncover their authentic selves.
Why? For starters, there is a tremendous amount of vitality that surges when they are no longer stuck in outdated coping mechanisms, performing roles that no longer make sense, playing “nice” to fit in, striving to perfect appearances or pretending in any way to be anything that they are not.
With that surge of vitality comes the potential to cultivate wellness, creativity, connection, joy and purpose. I see it happen before my very eyes and it takes my breath away. Every. Single. Time.
For me, this is incredibly satisfying! I feel like I’m fulfilling my own purpose by facilitating this aliveness in others.
It’s win-win-win. Win for them, for me and the world as our wins ripple outward.
I believe we all started out with a Knowingness of Who We Really Are and Why We Are Here. And somewhere along the way it got covered up by family dynamics, illness, unresolved trauma, fear, doubt, cultural conditioning, the programming that society/church/school instills, advertising and other such mechanisms of manipulation.
But our true essence remains intact, even when hidden under the layers.
Sometimes we cling to these veils, believing them to be guardians that keep us safe from a hostile world. Perhaps in the past they did. For most of the folks I work with though, they’ve now become a burden sapping them of precious time and energy.
Rather than abruptly stripping away these illusions of safety, Reiki can instead help us realize that they are no longer unnecessary. Once we access the true security that comes from tapping into inner wisdom and getting in touch with our authentic selves we can then let the unnecessary strategies fall away like a snake sheds its skin.
When I’m in that place of alignment, I can relax into whatever is unfolding in the outside world because I trust that I will be guided to exactly what I need in every moment. Not necessarily to what I want, mind you, but to what I truly need. Every. Single. Time.
Reiki helps to activate the relaxation response, a physiological process that quiets overactive fight/flight/freeze responses. Without these urges compelling me to act in ways that are not attuned to my best interests, I have greater capacity to be present in the moment and discern my next right action.
Reiki also provides a boost of life-force energy to restore my reserves and give me the oomph to follow through. It also helps to transform the obstacles that stand in my way- which, as far as I can tell, are most often limiting beliefs that I soaked up in childhood before I had the capacity to question their validity.
Here are some of the narratives I’ve absorbed over the years that have morphed into unconscious rules of engagement. You might recognize some of them in yourself. You will most certainly recognize that they are basis for crazy-making.
Don’t ask for too much; better yet to not ask at all. Figure it out or do without.
Don’t be too loud, too demanding, too smart, too sassy, too glamorous, too out-there, but also don’t be too quiet. But especially don’t be disruptive or make anybody, for any reason, ever feel uncomfortable.
For the love of all that is holy, don’t look older than 30, no matter your actually age. Or hide in the dark corners. But don’t judge others based on their appearances; only yourself.
Work hard, to-the-bone-weary hard but don’t expect to be acknowledged, appreciated or compensated accordingly. It’s your privilege to give more than you receive.
Don’t enjoy life too much. Or at least do it in secret. Or better yet, post about it ad nauseam on social media and call it you brand. Try to sell it by working extra hard to seem like you’re not working at all.
If you want something done right, best to do it yourself. If you do delegate, best to micromanage and expend even more effort on overseeing someone else doing what you know you should have just done yourself. Also, always wear a smile. That is very important, especially if you’re a woman, more so if you’re an older woman.
Don’t ever complain. Don’t let anybody know that their actions or words have hurt you. If anything ever goes wrong, apologize profusely even if it wasn’t your fault. Heaven forbid you offend anybody ever.
I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point! These are all just different versions of forgetting your innate value as a soul inhabiting a human body. Of course there are reasons I took on these stories and made them my own. They kept me safe when I was young and vulnerable and my life literally depended on people who weren’t very attuned to my emotional sensitivities. Now that I’m an adult, they keep me stuck, small, silent, hidden behind layers of subterfuge and false smiles.
It wasn’t until Reiki helped me to relax in my body that I was able to see the myriad ways I abandoned myself for the sake of appeasing others and constantly sacrificed my self-worth to fit into a culture that I really had no interest in belonging to. And it was Reiki that helped me find the clarity and motivation to begin to subtly shift my behavior and deal with the fallout, trusting that if people wanted me to sacrifice myself for their sake, they were not my people. Reiki helped me to come home to myself, embodied and empowered to live my life in a way that aligns with my values and aspirations.
Yes, Reiki can help you do this too.
But first, a few caveats.
You need to be willing to invite healing in, to face the discomfort of change and the unknown, and to let go of the identities that are no longer serving you. This is not as easy as it might sound and requires a fair amount of courage and pluck.
Also, it’s important to recognize that this is a process. A practice. I cannot sell you a series of 12 sessions with a guarantee that you will become your true self in that time. It takes as long as it takes. In general, the more challenges we’ve faced, particularly in childhood, the longer we’ve clung to survival strategies, the more chronic our conditions have become, the more consistent we must be with the remedy.
People almost always feel relaxed and more at ease after the first session. Sometimes that’s all they need to get the ball rolling and they take off on their own. Others require routine maintenance, be it weekly, bi-weekly or monthly. There is no standardized plan that works for everyone.
For those who are eager to roll up their sleeves and get involved in a daily practice taking a Reiki workshop can give them the tools to show up for themselves with care and compassion. For those who are drowning in to-do lists, it’s likely that receiving consistent treatments from a professional will be more effective than taking on an extra task.
For those who aren’t willing to make any changes in their inner or outer landscapes, you can still experience wonderful relaxation from sessions. That isn’t exactly lasting transformative, but it isn’t nothing either. It can help keep you from crossing over into overwhelm or burnout.
One of the great things about Reiki is that it can meet you, wherever you, and provide the support that will be most … supportive. For you. In this moment.
So.
Who are you, really? I’d love to help you find out.
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